You Know You're a Nurse When...

Nursing is probably one of the only professions that you could hardly call "just a job". It's a lifestyle that takes up so much of your time and often seeps into those hours where you're not even working. Over time nursing became a fundamental and treasured part of who you are as a human being - despite all the associated stress.


Along with that identity comes nurse culture - a little vortex in the world that's only shared with nurses, only understood by nurses, and only appreciated by nurses. We've scoured the internet to find some of our favorite "inside jokes" for your viewing pleasure. You've probably heard of some of these - but we're betting there's a few newbies in here that are sure to make you chuckle silently to yourself.


You know you’re a nurse when…


When using a public restroom, you wash your hands with soap for a full minute and turn off the faucets with your elbows.

The front of you scrubs read 'Nurses...here to save your a**, not kiss it!'

Your favorite dream is the one where you leave a mess at a patient's bedside and tell a doctor to clean it up.

Men assume you must be great in bed because of the 9 billion porn movies about nurses.

Everyone, including complete strangers, tells you about each and every ache and pain they have.



You can almost SEE the germs on doorknobs and telephones.

You can watch the goriest movie and eat anything afterwards, even spaghetti with lots of tomato sauce.

You occasionally park in the space with the 'Physicians Only' sign, and knock it over.

You've used a plastic 30cc medicine cup for a shot glass.

You can drink a pot of coffee then go home and go to bed.

You know the menu, phone numbers and delivery hours of every restaurant in town.

You believe everyone needs a good shot of vitamin H once in awhile.

You believe the inventor of call bells has earned a special place in Hell.



You know it’s a full moon without looking at the sky.

You know the smell of different diarrhea to identify it.

Discussing bodily fluids over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.

Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago water tank.

Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.

You think caffeine should be available in IV form.



You find yourself checking out other customer’s veins in grocery waiting lines.

You look at everyone’s veins instead of their face when talking to them.

You’ve used the word ‘rationale’, the phrase ‘as evidenced by’, or quoted a nursing diagnosis in everyday life.

You believe that all the patient needs is some vitamin A (ativan).

You know what a “hat” is.

You watch Grey’s Anatomy and other hospital shows for the comedy and to point out the inaccuracies.

You understand that there is no medication for stupidity.

People approach you outside of the hospital and say, “Remember that problem that I had down there? It’s better.”

Summer means fresh first year residents.

Designer clothing is printed scrubs.

You can hear the beeping sound of an IV pump in your sleep.

You have used or seen someone use biohazard bags to wrap a sandwich.

A post-op patient farts and it’s music to your ears.


And that's it! We hope we've shared some new ones with you! Were there any that we missed? Share them in the comments section below!


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